The party season is over, and we’re back at work and back to
counting down the days until we can go back in to the pub / bar / club
guilt-free (or, indeed, with some money in our pockets after the coin-fest that
is the festive season – a time when I, personally, treat the bankroll like it’s
out of a board game – see also: holiday spends). If you’re in this situation,
I’ve compiled a story of a night out using songs.
Feel free to comment with your own additions - there were a lot of tracks that didn't make the cut.
A little weekend whimsy - enjoy!
1)
Jens Lekman – A Man Walks In To A Bar
Starting out slowly and relaxed – that’s the place you want to be in when
you’re about to enjoy a ‘beer and a bowl of peanuts’ (to quote Jens), isn’t it?
That’s about as far as this song’s lyrics goes in terms of relating to the
subject at hand, as ‘the bar turns in to a spaceship and the bartender gives
him a haircut’. Turns out it was a joke.
2)
Wham! -
Club Tropicana
After that nice, slow, relaxed start, Club Tropicana is the bar you’ve actually
just gone in to, although not very realistic, as apparently all the drinks are
free and it sounds as if the weather is nice and it’s full of celebrities.
3)
The Housemartins – Happy Hour
After that dreamland of Club Tropicana where the drinks are free and everyone
is famous, we’re a little bit more down to earth with Happy Hour by The
Housemartins (you know, Fatboy Slim’s old band). Incidentally, Paul Heaton from The
Housemartins / Beautiful South has recently became the landlord of one of my
local watering holes.
4)
Stereophonics – The Bartender and the Thief
Anyway, now you’re in the bar and you’re going up to the bar to get your drink,
so who do you have to speak to? The bartender of course. Another song that has
the right title and little else to do with the general theme (and it’s the best
song about a bartender I could think of)
5)
Belle & Sebastian – Dear Catastrophe
Waitress
You might have gone to a nice bar or restaurant for your drink, where they come
to your table and wait on you hand and foot (what a treat). Naturally, be wary
of the catastrophe waitress or your drink could end up all over you (reminds me
of the time I worked in a restaurant and dropped a prawn cocktail down a
woman’s back, oops).
6)
Rupert Holmes – Escape (The Piña Colada Song)
Of course, what else are you going to order when you finally decide what to
have!? There are loads and loads of songs that feature drinks, so I had to be
quite strict in order to not turn it in to a bit of a binge. Also includes one
of my favourite lines from a song, ‘I’m not much in to health food, I am in to
Champagne.’
7)
Brand New – Soco Amaretto Lime
This might be something you’d like to try in the future, if you haven’t already.
And I’d dare you to casually say the name of the drink to your bartender or
waitress, as if you say it all the time. ‘A Soco, Amaretto, Lime please’ – I
can near guarantee that whoever you ask will say ‘pardon?’
This song is the much needed dip that all great setlists need to calm the
audience down in preparation for the build-up to the end.
8)
Rihanna – Cheers (Drink To That)
So you’ve got your Pina Colada, you’ve got your Soco Amaretto Lime… Prost! If
you’re in Club Tropicana, Rihanna is probably letting her Irish Whiskey sink
in. There’s a party at the bar, everybody put your glasses up.
9)
Los Campesinos! – You! Me! Dancing!
This is what usually happens when you’ve had a couple of pina coladas and
you’re having a good time (mainly in Club Tropicana, I’d imagine).
Incidentally, this song is featured on no less than TWO adverts for beer, and
nearly went on more.
10)
Whiskeytown – Bar Lights
Wasn’t sure where this one could be shoehorned in (there was no way I was
omitting it, it’s superb), so it’s dedicated to when the lights flash in a loud
bar to signify last orders.
“The bar lights and the liquor, and the way all the bottles they shine
Well, I got five more dollars, drink another, you’ll feel fine”
Usually the way you feel at last orders, isn’t it?
11)
Semisonic – Closing Time
The original ode to the bar or club closing! Who hasn’t been to somewhere
that’s spun this one as the final song of the evening? Let’s ignore the bit
that says
“Closing time, one last call for
alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer,
Closing time, you don't have to go home but you can't
stay here.”
As that would ruin the song that’s coming up next. This is the warmer for the
stormer that is…
12)
Bluetones – After Hours
I’ve only ever been to one lock-in before, where stopped charging for drinks
and essentially started to just use the bar area as their living room. It was
brilliant. Unfortunately, it wasn’t anything like the video to this song (have
a look if you get a minute).
13)
Vanessa Paradis – Joe Le Taxi
A latecomer to the party, as recommended by our CEO, Jon Collins, if you’re
heading home, take a (Joe Le) Taxi. And make sure it’s a legal taxi (
Driver & Vehicle
Agency for more information). Wouldn’t recommend the taxi driver Vanessa
sings about, as I’m sure the lyrics say he likes a sip of Rum (you can check
all the facts on drink driving at
Drinkaware)
14)
Gomez – Hangover
You probably shouldn’t be going out and drinking so much that you’re waking up
with a big head, but if you do, then this one is for you (
Drinkaware, for the facts). Another
song whose name doesn’t quite match up to the rest of the song, but if you are
feeling delicate, Ben Ottewell and Tom Gray’s vocals will soothe you a treat.
15)
Arctic Monkeys – Fluorescent Adolescent
The most tenuous of all these choices, mainly because it includes the line
‘this bloody mary’s lacking the tabasco’. Bloody Mary – featured on Leeds bar ‘
Nation of Shopkeepers’ Sunday menu
as ‘breakfast of champions’. Amen.
